Tactless
by Silver Moon of Night
Summary: John, as usual, is oblivious to the romantic tension between himself and Karkat, but this time, it's a little more. Karkat decides it's time he tries to take things into his own hands and give John a little lesson on troll culture, which leads to more tactlessness and questionable activities.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck, that's Andrew Hussie's job!**

**Note: The characters are meant to be eighteen.**

Tactless

Karkat Vantas was sitting in on the couch of his rather tactless and, in his opinion, dense "friendleader." The human had invited him to watch a movie with him, and with that look Karkat would begrudgingly think of as cute, how could he really say no? Well, by simply saying "no," he scolded himself, but he really didn't want to hurt Egbert's feelings.

John Egbert himself was sitting in front of the television, trying to pick out a movie to watch that wasn't Con Air or some other shitty movie that was impossible to like if his name _wasn't_ John Egbert. Karkat had already gotten sick of watching that movie so many times, but to him it wasn't a good movie in the first place, and the others were sickening little sideshows. He began to wonder if he should stop John then and tell him to let the other put in one of his troll rom-coms, which were way better than any human movies, as a universal fact.

Finally, Karkat couldn't stand watching Egbert shuffle through all those movies with a concentrated frown any more. It was getting almost painful to witness. "Egbert," Karkat spoke up with an irritated sigh, attempting to keep his voice down, "I'm going to pick one of my movies for us to watch. We can watch it on my crabtop. And don't you dare fucking say no, because I have watched way too many of your stupid fucking human movies with you!" He glared pointedly at the other, failing to keep his voice down on that last bit, as it really was getting irritating and stupid. Karkat made a silent wish that John would just stop being so fucking cute as he looked momentarily surprised.

To his own surprise, the human the smiled and gave him a cheery nod. "Okay, Karkat! If that's what you want!" He put away the stack of movies back in the cabinet he'd gotten them from and plopped down beside the troll, who retrieved his crabtop from his capchalogue. After that, he uncapcha'd some movies as well, picking one he thought was suitable. He didn't think this was one of the more intense ones anyway, and if it was, well, he could simply stop it before it went too far. He certainly didn't want to scare John away with fine examples of troll anatomy, nor did he want anyone to know he actually possessed those types of movies.

Popping the disk into his crabtop, the movie started playing. Karkat shifted a little uncomfortably as he resisted the urge to smile, the cause being John sitting far to close to Karkat to better watch the movie on the small screen, his leg pressed against Karkat's. The alien didn't say anything, though, because it honestly wasn't that bad (and he forbade himself to think about actually liking the human being this close) and harshly shushed John every time he interrupted the movie with his pointless talk that Karkat loved so much. Again, he'd never admit that aloud.

Suddenly, as the scene onscreen changed again, Karkat knew he was in trouble. He'd forgotten all about this part. The two trolls- both older teen males, in this instance- were making out outside in the pouring rain, at the back of one of their houses. They got caught by the lusus of the owner of the house before things went too far, and honestly, Karkat was glad. He'd been too mortified that he'd forgotten this, that John was seeing the two trolls making out, and more importantly, rubbing each others' horns in a sensual manner, to stop the movie, frozen with apprehension. His outward expression remained the same despite his horror, though his skin paled a few tones of gray at what had come dangerously close to watching troll porn with John. That would've been - _maybe the biggest fucking turn-on of your life_ - completely embarrassing.

"Karkat," John started to ask, "what was up with the horn stuff just then?" He reached up to curiously touch one of Karkat's own nubby horns, being the oblivious human he was, before the other could react.

The troll held in a gasp as a jolt of pleasure traveled down his spine and straight to his bulge. "Fuck, Egbert, get your hands off of me!" Karkat smacked away the human's hands from his head, his cheeks flushing to match the color of his blood.

"Oh, sorry!" John looked at him apologetically, appearing genuinely repentant about his actions. Karkat knew he couldn't really be blamed - it was a curious human with the answer just one touch away, and humans tended to like getting their answers. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, you fuckass! Trolls' horns are fucking sensitive! You don't just touch a troll's horns like that, idiot!" Karkat yelled, moving away from John and trying not to look at him for fear of the other seeing the blush on his face, pretending to be angry despite the feelings the close encounter had brought on. He couldn't let the human know of his flushed feelings for him, what with his insistent policy of "I'm not a homosexual." "Touching a troll's horns is like giving them a bucket, you just don't do it unless it's a genuine invitation to fuck!"

John suddenly blushed, and Karkat groaned in relief. "Do you finally understand, you fuckass?!" He glared at John, just daring him to say no. If he said no, Karkat would probably flip his shit, and some tables. Really, how dense could one human possibly be?

The human in question began to speak slowly. "So, when I sent that bucket through the green sun with the message on it... and it hit you... I was pretty much asking if you wanted to... oh gog." John's blush deepened, and he buried his face in his hands. "I didn't mean to, Karkat. I'm sorry." Thank jegus, he did get it! By this time, of course, both had completely forgotten about the troll movie onscreen, stuck in their own little moment of understanding, which was about to get a lot deeper.

"Don't be sorry, fuckass," Karkat mumbled after a short pause, surprising both himself and John. "I would've accepted if you were actually there and we were alone, if it's any consolation." With that foolish slip of the tongue, Karkat grew angry with himself, copying John's pose and hiding his face within the mask of his hands. What the fuck was he thinking, letting that slip and showing his flushed feelings?! It was going to ruin everything! Now John wouldn't even want to be friends with him, and Karkat had been fine with that, as long as they were close. What was he trying to do by saying John was the idiot? The real moron here was him, and-

Karkat's mental beat-up of himself was interrupted by a hand being placed gently on the small of his back. "Y-you would have... accepted that invitation, huh?" John's voice was nervous, and he let out an anxious little laugh, but still, the troll refused to look up. "Well, um, hold on." Karkat felt the hand on his back leaving and the couch cushion under him shift as the human stood up, and he could hear soft footsteps walking away. It was over. John wouldn't want to come near him or talk to him ever again.

"Hey, um, Karkat." He was so lost in wallowing in his misery that he hadn't heard John come back. "Can you, uh, please look up?" He gently prodded Karkat's shoulder with one finger.

The troll finally looked up. "What the fuck do you want, Egbert?" he growled defensively.

John brought his hands forward from behind his back, his blue eyes wandering away in embarrassment. Karkat's eyes widened at what was being offered to him, and he blushed profusely, shooting out of the seat with his shock. "Eh? What the fuck is this, Egbert?"

"Well, you said you would've accepted the offer if I was there and we were alone... here I am, and we're alone in the house... Are you going to accept the offer now, or did I just do something completely stupid?" John was looking at everything but Karkat now, mostly the floor, as he held out the bucket that had once been used for cleaning, but now had an entirely different purpose as it was being given to the troll.

"Fuck it, Egbert... give me the damn bucket." Karkat snatched the formerly-cleaning-utility from the human, his blush darker than ever, and threw somewhere behind him before putting one hand on the back of John's neck and pulling him closer until their lips met.

John immediately noticed Karkat was surprisingly timid with the kiss. He wondered if the unspoken offer he'd made meant he was homosexual now, and decided it didn't, since the only "flushed" feelings he ever had for a guy were for Karkat, and that wasn't really gay, right? It was one guy. He pushed it to the back of his mind as Karkat pulled away from the kiss, and John gave him a strange look, one eyebrow quirked. "Why'd you stop? You have a bucket to fill now, right?" Karkat opened his mouth to reply, looking flustered, but before he could protest John took the opportunity to descend upon the other with a stronger kiss, pressing his lips more firmly to Karkat's and invading his open mouth with his tongue. The kiss was inexperienced and sloppy, but neither seemed to mind, losing themselves in it as they each struggled for dominance.

John pushed Karkat back onto the couch and slid onto his lap, reaching up through his hair with one hand until he reached the other's horns, rubbing his fingers over the nubby but sensitized area. He suddenly discovered the troll made the most delicious sound into their kiss when he did that, like a little mewl, and a visible shiver seemed to go through him, and ioh/i how lovely that was to John. He wanted to make Karkat react like that again, and he continued to rub his horns until Karkat broke the kiss and grabbed his hands, pulling them from his head. Fervently, the troll pulled John's shirt over his head, followed by his own, desperate for some skin contact.

The smaller was suddenly mesmerized by John's chest, and the two rosy buds on it. "What are these?" Karkat inquired curiously, pinching one lightly in experiment.

John groaned softly, his grasp suddenly becoming more firm on Karkat's horns. "I-I'm pretty sure they function in a similar way to your horns," he murmured as Karkat also gave a responding groan to the tightening of John's fingers on said horns.

"I see," Karkat mumbled once he regained coherent thought after a brief lapse of mental ability. John noticed that he seemed to be restraining himself and kept in mind that trolls had stronger instincts than humans, which he supposed included those for reproduction.

"Wait." Karkat's hands stopped John just as he was reaching for the hem of his pants. He wiggled out from under John, blushing. "I want you to promise you won't freak out!" he said, half-accusingly.

John's eyes softened. "Come on, Karkat. Why would I freak out?"

"B-because you're human, and humans freak out at weird alien stuff!" John frowned. That was the first time he'd heard Karkat stutter. He must've been really worried of scaring John away.

"I won't freak out," John promised, leaning down to kiss Karkat chastely before adding quietly, "I promise. We're matesprits now, right? Nothing will change that. I promise, Karkat. Trust me."

It wasn't John Karkat didn't trust, really, it was himself he didn't trust to not screw this up, but despite this he blushed and mumbled, "Okay." He gave John another kiss, pulling him close, and it was once again returned with full force. For a few moments Karkat didn't appear to be willing to go any farther, and John would've respected his wishes if that was the case; then he felt Karkat take his hands from around him, moving to slip off his jeans. Resisting temptation, John held the kiss, letting Karkat be the one to break away for air first, but pushing the troll back on the couch before he did.

For a long moment, John and Karkat seemed to be having a staring match as they caught their breath. Then Karkat looked away and mumbled, "Are you gonna look or what?" He seemed to be a bit timid with this, though he looked more grumpy than anything.

John gave Karkat a reassuring smile before his gaze slowly traveled down the troll's body. He took note that Karkat didn't have nipples or a bellybutton, though he supposed it made sense since trolls were born as grubs, then his eyes suddenly widened as they got to Karkat's bulge- that was what one looked like? He took it in for a moment, trying to process the mass of tentacles he was seeing; then he reached out to touch the writhing appendages. It seemed to have a mind of its own, a being separate from Karkat while also a part of him, which was almost fascinating to John.

He ran his hand down the length of one of the tentacles, feeling the silkiness of it, while it already felt slick with some sort of lubricant. He didn't miss Karkat's soft groans, but they didn't affect him as much as when the other suddenly arched and moaned, "John..." as said human twisted his fingers through the appendages.

Taking a glance up at his new matesprit's face, John almost lost it. He had a distant look in his eyes, and one hand was raised to his mouth as if to muffle the noises coming from himself. John frowned at this and pulled the hand from his mouth. "I want to hear you."

The troll blushed an ever darker color than he already was. "John, let me..." Karkat tried to gesture something, but it was lost to John until the troll put his hands on John's pants and gave him a look like he was asking for permission.

John blushed as he caught Karkat's meaning, but didn't protest. "Okay," he said slowly, breathing out. This _had_ to be gay... But as he thought about it, he found he didn't care. He loved Karkat, that's all there was to it. He sucked in a breath as he felt the friction from the fabric of his boxers being pulled down with his jeans rub against his arousal. This must've gone against _something_ in _one_ of their cultures, but he couldn't even bring himself to care about that, either, especially what Karkat was so close and he was reaching down and now he was grabbing John's erection and _oh fucking shit this was heaven_-

John's brain then proceeded to draw a blank for about ten seconds, his entire body shivering in pleasure while he let out sounds from the same, and when he came back to reality, Karkat was looking at him in concern. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked, looking genuinely worried for once.

"N-no!" John said quickly, shaking his head and holding back a moan, Karkat's hand still on him. "It's just, I've never done this before, so..." He gave the troll a weak smile.

"We can stop now if you want," Karkat said, frowning and obviously taking it the wrong way. His matesprit gave a little groan of loss as Karkat's hand left him.

"That's not what I meant," he sighed, shaking his head. "I-It felt good."

"Oh." Karkat gave him a half-irritated, half-confused look. "You just seemed kind of out of it, and I thought I did something wrong..." He let out a shuddering breath as John's fingers captured one of his appendages again. "John," he said, his voice beginning to grow hoarse, "humans do have nooks, right?"

"Um, I don't think so. What is it?" John tilted his head at Karkat in a way that made the other flush at the cute and somehow innocent gesture.

The gray-skinned male shifted into a slightly more comfortable position. "Just- move your hand a little farther down." John did this curiously, and a look of surprise crossed his face, followed by an even darker blush and a shake of his head.

"Only girl humans have that..."

"Fuck," Karkat cursed softly, looking at John before sighing. "You'll have to enter me, then."

John gave a nod of understanding, his fingers circling Karkat's nook before he slid in two fingers experimentally. He tried and failed to not be surprised when Karkat groaned under him, and that there already seemed to be some sort of lubricant. "John..." The troll squirmed, his cheeks as red as they could be, as he both moaned and whimpered the name.

John fought down arousal, and the need for friction, and he gently stretched Karkat by scissoring his fingers. He could only stop himself for so long before asking what he had to, though. "Do you think you're ready?"

Karkat gave him a nod, biting his lip. A gasp escaped his lips as he felt John easing into him; he was gentler than Karkat imagined, but he didn't mind. He crooned softly as the human began rocking gently, wincing every so often by the pain of being stretched, but this was quickly done away with as John continued his gentle thrusts. Karkat's bulge wrapped around the base of John's shaft, causing the human's eyes to glaze over again for a moment before he came back to reality to stare deeply into Karkat's eyes.

"I love you, Karkat."

The troll hoped to Gog or whatever human deity this wasn't a dream. He clung to John as if he thought he would disappear as the pace slowly increased, and gasped the human's name when he hit a spot inside of Karkat that sent white-hot lights dancing in front of his eyes. And then he felt the nearing of release, gasping for the bucket John had given him, could feel the human climax inside of him before he moved away from Karkat to quickly find the bucket. As soon as it was handed to him, the troll released into it, moaning John's name.

"Woah, what are you doing, fuckass?!" Karkat yelped as he put down the bucket and was at the same time swept into John's arms so the larger was carrying him.

"Taking you to my room. You are tired, right? I thought we should, you know, sleep together."

Before Karkat could protest he was being taken to John's room, with a little help from the breeze to lift him. He simply sighed then, resigned to the idea. Nuzzling into John's shoulder, he whispered softly, "I love you too, John."

A few minutes later, he was in one of John's shirts (which was a few sizes too big for him, which was perfect) and a pair of boxers that were too small for John, but just right for the troll. Karkat, cuddled into John's arms (the Heir of Breath wearing similar attire), was almost asleep when he heard a quiet question from John. "This does mean we're matesprits now, right? Boyfriends?"

"Of course it does, fuckass." Karkat smiled for the first time in what seemed like forever at the thought. He could only hope that this wasn't too good to be true, that when he woke up in the morning it wouldn't be in his own bed in his house on Earth to find this hadn't happened, or worse, in his recuperacoon on Alternia to find everything had been a dream. No John at all would be worse than a John that just thought of him as a friend; and truthfully, he thought about it far too often for it to be healthy. He fell asleep in John's arms that way, thinking of the worst.

To no one's surprise but his own, he woke there, with John sleeping peacefully beside him, morning light streaming through the windows.

**My first time writing alien sex. Lol. It was awkward and a little rushed towards the end, sorry. v.v Most definitely not my best. **

**I recently became interested in Homestuck, and these two somehow became my OTP. :33**

**-Silver**


End file.
